S2EP10-Susan Janzen-Empowering Parents: Navigating Life with Adaptive Needs

Herb: 00:00:19

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Susan Janzen.

Susan is a multifaceted profession professional who combines her passions as a resilient coach, podcast host and licensed realtor specializing in accessible homes. A survivor of the foster care system and being a single mom for six years, Susan's journey has fueled her commitment to empowering others.

As the lead singer of the Trocadero Orchestra and an accomplished recording artist, she brings a unique artistic flair to her coaching.

Susan is also a certified Jay Shetty Confidence and Resilience Coach, helping individuals, especially parents of children with adaptive needs, build emotional resilience and find lasting happiness.

Through her podcast, Living and Loving each Day Bridging Barriers, she shares inspiring parent stories of resilience and features experts who provide support and practical strategies for overcoming life's challenges. With a deep understanding of caregiving dynamics, Susan fosters a supportive community where individuals can thrive. Welcome Susan.

It is a pleasure to have you here. Thank you very much for joining us today.

Susan Janzen: 00:01:26

Thank you, thank you. I appreciate that wonderful introduction. Thank you for having me on today.

Kristina: 00:01:30

I appreciate is so awesome because whenever I started talking with you and we started talking about what this show might kind of be about because we always do pre show, pre chat to figure out our audience, what will serve our audience best, right?

And you start talking about being that adaptive home person that you talk about those kinds of things and then also helping those parents with adaptive needs for those kids, those who are in a kind of a fragile situation.

I'm like, this is one of the best people to have on especially because one of our families right now is going through some of these kinds of things, right? So it is amazing that you have kind of niche down into this area and that you're able to help us out with this.

So first of all help explain a little bit about what you mean by those adaptive needs. What kind of parents, what kind of children are you kind of working with?

Susan Janzen: 00:02:20

Okay, well the first thing that I have to always go is to my heart. And that's because my daughter had a baby 12 years ago and she had near sids. She was diagnosed.

My daughter went to do the dishes, came, came back at 9:30 at night and the baby, Kalea is her name, was like blue in the crib. She was, she was like, it was her. It was like the most horrific. I know something that I hope no apparent ever goes through. It's interesting though.

So what happened? I'll just give you the outcome is positive in that she called. The next door neighbor was a male nurse. He came across and Was doing CPR on her.

And then they called the ambulance. And by the time I drove, I'm about 5:12, 13 minutes away.

By the time I got to the house, the baby was already in the back of the ambulance and revived. Like, oh my gosh. So just, just, just that alone.

And then, and then what happened is she went to the solary in Edmonton, Alberta, where we live, and she was on in ICU for five weeks. Oh. And it took. And we were standing over her bed with all the tubes, everything for five full weeks.

But you know, it was like the third day when they finally said, you know, like, she's gonna live. You know, like we didn't know. And then we found out, you know. So what her. Her incident was that they call it.

It was near sids, so she didn't have knits, but she had like oxygen deprivation to the brain. So she had prima. Now I'm. I'm picking out what you got there. I got. I just lost it now in my brain. Anyway, there's two areas in the brain where she's.

So she has cerebral palsy and she also has cortical vision impairment. So she. Her eyes look fine. When you look at her, her eyes look totally fine, but she doesn't see us. And she sees colors and, and lights.

So if you turn off the light, she goes, ooh. Like she'll know. But. And I put up. If I put really close to her, she'll say, oh, that's brown or that's blue or that's red. Isn't that interesting?

So it's called cortical vision impairment and the parietal lobe. And. And that's the area of the brain. So that was because of the lacks of oxygen.

So anyway, my heart, after that long intro, my heart is just with my daughter who has a child with adaptive needs. And then also I was in a. In a foster care home like way back, and I.

There's two down syndrome girls that lived with me and I really, I don't know, I just, you know, in. Just really appreciated them and I just. They like me more than anybody because I really like them back.

And also I was a special ed teacher with severe needs kids. The grade 7 to 12 severe handicapped or we don't call that anymore. We call it severe needs. And my label was a special needs teacher. And now I.

I know that the parents do not like that label either. So that's why I use adaptive needs because we. The. They are totally okay with what they're doing.

It's just that they have to just adapt a few things so they can just do it right. So that's just a mindset and I.

Kristina: 00:05:21

Love that story because it really shows us where you're coming from, why this is such a passion for you. Absolutely.

So when we start talking about let's jump into homes, you know, because this is something we haven't really talked about, is like whenever a family is looking for a home or they have a home, you know, and they suddenly have an adaptive needs child. What some are, what are some of the things that they kind of look for or might need to adjust?

Susan Janzen: 00:05:47

So you want me to put my real estate lady hat on for a.

Kristina: 00:05:50

Little bit and then we'll go back into education?

Susan Janzen: 00:05:52

Of course. Of course.

Because yeah, I've got so many, I've been around that long that I have all these different areas that I'm experienced in as an accessible, barrier free real estate agent for the last actually 23 years now.

I really understand when people have, especially a child in a wheelchair, any mobility challenges that require us to make sure that there's entry grade level, that the counters are a little lower, that the bathroom has the 360 turnabout.

So that those things are things that some parents, maybe their child might have been in a car accident and they just all of a sudden need this space that they didn't even people.

And you guys, I'm sure you understand the same as me is when you don't have anyone in your world that has a mobility issue or has adaptive needs, and I'm talking about ADHD or anything, you don't understand or even consider those things. So when I go into a home and I have a client, I get calls from the hospital here.

If say a fella lately, just a fella was in a car accident and he was a spinal cord injury survivor, so he is in a wheelchair. So they have to move out of their house and move into something that's accessible. So I know what to look for.

I know the door frames, the width they should be, I know all the little things that they're going to be that they wouldn't even have thought about. Right. Why would they have up until then?

So that's what I do is I just kind of match people with the houses to make sure that there's a nice fit there. That makes sense.

Kristina: 00:07:25

Yes, it does. So the doorways are something that you would want to look at because of the wheelchair, etc.

Counters is something you would want to look at because of being as self sufficient as much as possible. Right.

Susan Janzen: 00:07:35

100. And safety. Safety first and independent second.

And I'm just doing podcasts on a series on my podcast where I'm talking to somebody who is an architect and he's talking specifically about the entrances and he calls it vertical consideration, like the ver, you know, like how many steps are there and how, how do we, you know, we don't necessarily want ramps. You want to do other options if you can. And there's lifts, there's elevators, like those different. Tons of options out there.

So we want to make sure we look at those things and then when they come into the home, then I can actually say, well, this is what we could do for that. I mean we can, you know, we have accommodations, we have retrofitted homes all over the place.

So I know the people to talk to, I know what you need and just reassures them a little bit because sometimes they think this is impossible to handle and it's not. We can find solutions here, no problem.

Kristina: 00:08:35

Awesome. So it's wonderful knowing that there's people out there like you, other real estate agents.

Probably some have the same kind of, you know, qualifications or cheat learning. Right. Not every, all of them, but hopefully some of them.

Susan Janzen: 00:08:47

Well, a few do, but I'm, I'm kind of known now. I'm, I'm very fortunate. I get the calls from other realtors to say, okay, sue, this is what it is. What do I do? And so I just give advice.

So I'm happy to do that.

Kristina: 00:08:59

Excellent.

Herb: 00:08:59

So we're Gen Xers. We don't have sensitivity to words.

So now that, now that the generations are progressing, there's so many people who are so sensitive to words that they, the words are becoming so bland and so non descriptive of what the people are actually going through. How when. So adaptive needs is now like this blanket term for so many things.

Susan Janzen: 00:09:26

It is.

Herb: 00:09:27

How, how do you work with that? In. So, so someone calls up, say I have adaptive needs. Okay. Yeah, but now you got to get specific.

Susan Janzen: 00:09:38

Yeah. What is that? What are they? Yes.

Herb: 00:09:41

Where does this like sensitivity to words and to labels? Because I mean, we, we Gen Xers, we grew up with, you know, teasing and sarcasm and throwing words at each other was, was how we coexisted.

And so there's no problem there in my generation. But, but now people are like so sensitive to words. How, how do we work with that? How do we get through that? How does that make sense?

Susan Janzen: 00:10:05

I think it depends on who you're talking to, you know, because it's the people who have those and you don't. They don't like the word disability either.

fice, but he had to walk down: 1400

And disability needs a new definition. And again, I guess where the sensitivity comes in is not necessarily the words, but it's the mindset.

So if somebody thinks, well, I have a disabled child. That's so negative. Like, disabled. Like, you aren't able to do everything, 100% of everything. No, you're disabled in one little. One area.

You might have, like my dog. My granddaughter has cerebral palsy.

She can't walk by herself, but she can laugh and throw balls and roll on the floor and have a blast and joke around with us all the time. So she's only, you know, has that disability in that word in that one area. So I do understand.

I guess the parents of these children, specifically, they don't want things, their child to be labeled as a disabled person. Just that some of the things they just don't do like you do. So they just don't. They're very sensitive about labeling, I think, their children.

And they also want to make sure that people understand. These are people, too. They have feelings. They can do a lot of the things that maybe you don't think they can do, but they can.

And maybe they're the visual adaptive needs that they have that we can see if, like, Kaleia doesn't look blind, like Kalea does not look. If you talk to her, she looks right at you and she laughs and she answers you back. She answers things that you don't even think she heard.

It's like we were just talking 50 minutes earlier, and all of a sudden she'll say, 50 minutes later, oh, yeah, and don't forget that. Like, she'll. She'll. And we're going, whoa. I mean, she. Her hearing is so good and so tuned into everything.

So she's got so many beautiful gifts in other areas. So that's all. It's just being sensitive to not labeling the whole person as one thing.

Herb: 00:12:19

Right. But, you know, in a very short time, adaptive needs is going to take on the same kind of characteristics as special needs or then as disabled.

And pretty soon people are going to want a word different than adaptive needs. And so it's that. That weird changing that, that labeling that. That just kind of really confuses me.

There so it's like you have to keep changing our language because. Because. Yeah, because those words that, that help describe what's happening with a person.

Susan Janzen: 00:12:52

Exactly. Because.

Herb: 00:12:54

Negative. Even though this is what's happening with that person. And it's, it's just, that's always been really confusing to me and I understand.

Susan Janzen: 00:13:01

No, it's a good point. But I also, I'm, I'm a girl. I'm a baby boomer. So when I was in that home with those two down syndrome girls, they were called.

And if you, how do you feel when I say that word to you?

Herb: 00:13:18

Well, I understand the difference. I, I have met some people and they are. And I have met some down syndrome people and they are not. It's a completely different kind of a situation.

Susan Janzen: 00:13:29

Exactly.

Herb: 00:13:30

So in a way, those labels help me understand how to interact and deal with that person, whereas. Oh, they have adaptive needs. Well, then I'm not sure where to even start because I don't know necessarily where that problem is.

And so, you know, for me, again, Gen X is like, we're, we're insensitive, we don't care. The, the labels don't matter to us. We were, we were called so many things along the way that, that, you know, they became jokes to us.

So we're not offended by the words. So, yeah, so that, that's just kind of where I go without it. And I've met some down syndrome people. They're the happiest people on the planet.

Susan Janzen: 00:14:05

Oh, yeah, they love everybody.

Herb: 00:14:06

They are amazing, amazing individuals. And, you know, so, yeah, I, I don't have a problem with that.

Kristina: 00:14:14

I love how you were saying.

It's part of, it has to do with like a mind shift or the way you're thinking about the connotation or the word right term that came across my desk recently was presumed confidence. And that's something that a lot of people don't do with labels. They put a label on and they think they can't do something.

But what we really want to do is take that label and then presume or assume that they can do it in certain things instead. Yeah.

Susan Janzen: 00:14:41

And it's amazing how many people step up to that when you, when you presume it. Yeah, they. Oh, I can do that. Like, and they, they do, they do it.

I mean, I, I don't like where the people put restrictions on, because, oh, well, you can't see, so you can't do this. Well, excuse me. Kalea can go to bargaining just as fast as anybody else and love it even more. Just Because.

So you're not going to let her go to bargaining because she can't see, you know what I mean? Like, we, of course we have safety precautions in place. I promise, I promise, I promise. But she loves going fast and she loves doing fun. Fun.

She loves being twirled around, and she likes that feeling that she gets when she is in that moment, like, I guess the motion is happening around her. So you never want to restrict people from what they can and cannot do. I totally agree with that.

Kristina: 00:15:30

Sounds like she might be a roller coaster. Roller coaster junkie in disguise, right?

Susan Janzen: 00:15:34

I wonder. Yeah. And as long as we tell her what's going on, we always tell her, like, this is where we are. We're at the top of the hill. You're on your toboggan.

And we all started when she was a baby and really slowly, of course, of course. But now she knows where we are and she. And she goes, okay, I'm ready. And we let her go. And she's. Yeah, she's here. And it's just.

And she's, you know, it's always been great. And it's just the joy in her. Her is just infectious, so.

Herb: 00:16:01

Well, I. I completely understand that feeling because I've got to drive a couple of Ferraris on racetracks and that, that, that is an amazing sensation.

Amazing feeling. The. The feeling of that moving fast and. And that. So I completely understand that. And yeah, everybody deserves a chance to be able to live in that.

However, whether it's tobogganing, whether it's driving, to be able to find those joys in life is incredible.

Susan Janzen: 00:16:29

So true, so true. 100%. Yeah.

Kristina: 00:16:33

So let's switch gears a little bit into your coaching when you work with families and things like that. Right. And part of your podcast is, you know, living. Living and loving each day. How do you.

What's something that you can tell you, talk to parents about or help parents kind of understand so they can live and love each day?

Susan Janzen: 00:16:51

I think the most important thing that I've come across time and time again is that the parents, they.

Some of them feel guilt for some reason, even though there was nothing that they did, you know, but they are living with that after the fact because their child now has. Has issues that they're dealing with. And then also, it's just.

I think the biggest thing is just encouraging them to say, you are doing the best you can do. Your kids are amazing. Look how far they've come because of you. And also to stress the other side of that is to stress the Self care for them.

Because a lot of times I hear the, that especially the mums, but all sometimes the dads too, they just kind of don't think about themselves first and they're always, their thoughts are always on accommodating the child where they. You really need to step back and just take a moment just to breathe and just to appreciate your own self and just to take that self, that self care.

Because that's when you're taking care of yourself. Just like the mask and the airplane, right? Like you take care of yourself first and then you can take care of everybody else around you.

So that's just the biggest thing I feel like I have to keep repeating to give them permission to say you are, you have every right to take a 20 minute break or to go watch a movie or to have a bubble bath. Like, why not? You know, you can make somebody else in charge just for that short time because you deserve that. Because you deserve it.

Like you are enough. You, you are, you know, spreading yourself maybe a little too thin and you need to rejuvenate.

You need to just have that, that self love and self care because they're doing so much and they're, a lot of them are overwhelmed and they don't see, I don't maybe it's that they're not seeing how much they've accomplished and how well their children are doing because of them. Yeah.

Herb: 00:18:37

Yeah. So that's very well said. So our oldest son is autistic.

Kristina: 00:18:41

No.

Herb: 00:18:42

Yeah. So back when he, he was diagnosed, he was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.

And now that's one of those labels that now is, is being removed because it's like, oh, it's, you know, but anyway. And so yeah, we were guilty. What did we do wrong? How. And we even went to like a class. Like my child is different. And sometimes it hurts.

And you know, to get really honest with yourself, it's like there, there is shame in that. Not, not. I'm not ashamed of my son. I'm ashamed of, of our reaction, of how we handled it, of. And he still lives with us.

And sometimes it's like, wow, did we make bad choices? Could we have helped him become more independent? What can we do now?

And sometimes it's like, well, he doesn't necessarily want to do anything different now. So that there's also then the guilt of like, hey, did we not do enough, push enough? How, how could we have been different to give him a fuller life?

But he al. At the same time he also seems to be content with where he's at. So, you know, there's. There's all of that that you said. And.

And still, even though he's in his 30s, there's still, again, there's guilt and there's shame and there's negative emotions that, again, we didn't do enough or we could have done more or what. And so, yeah, that. That, you know, he's alive, he's happy, he's healthy. We've done. We've done our job.

Susan Janzen: 00:21:46

Yeah. And I think that's the biggest point that you make. It's a really good point, is just that you.

Honestly, when we have our kids and we love our kids, we do the very, very best that we know. And if we know here's something new, we'll try that, or we're always accommodating and being there for them. And. And the kids know that.

They know that. And so it's just that we. We know we. We did our best and that's what we can do, you know, and that's. And especially when they're like, my.

My oldest stepson is schizophrenic, and so he's in that. He's an. An adult as well, and he can't work or, you know, but he's.

When I pick him up every week and we go to church and take him to do all his appointments, he's like, how you doing? Oh, I'm great. You know, like. And he really is. He. He's got no. No worries. He's. And if he.

If there was an issue, he would say something, and we know he would do that, but we just are really well aware that he's in. Where he is. He is in his happy place. And what am I to judge if that's a good place or a bad place to be? And so I just.

We just know that he's doing good and he's doing his best, and we know he's doing his best, and he. He knows we love him and we're here from anytime, and. And your kids, I'm sure your son knows that. That you're there for him, you're on his side.

Kristina: 00:23:00

Absolutely. So I guess one thing that just struck me was that, you know, if we can come to basically peace with it ourselves, right?

And we know that our children are. Are the people we're caring for are kind of at peace with it, then we have those outside nagging voices, right?

How do we deal with the societal pressures or the societal questions and even sometimes our own family questions. Right. So, I mean, like, when we were raising our son, my parents would even say, well, why aren't you making him do this?

Or why isn't he doing that kind of thing? Right? And just those extra outside pressures, what would you say to that? How would you help families handle that?

Susan Janzen: 00:23:35

You see, I researched this. I know what I'm doing, and I know it works for him. You know, that's. That's all like.

I mean, so many things that we did as the tough parenting and the parents to the. For the baby boomers especially, and even before that and after the Gen X parents, I mean, you know, you.

You do so many things like the helicopter parents, you know, where they would give us all lectures on don't be a helicopter parent. Don't do this, don't do that. So those societal things are always there. Right? But I think it's just reassuring because it's education, too, though.

It's educating them, saying, listen, you know, we know because we. We know our son well, and we know if we say this one word, it might trigger him and it might make him sad.

So we want to make sure that he doesn't get that message from us. Like, we're doing this because we know that he.

He gets it and he'll, you know, like some kids did the other day with my ADHD other grandson, it was like he wasn't shoving the walk like I wanted him to. So I just said, okay, what kind of bubble tea do you want? And he just, like, perked up. He wants bubble tea, right. And I said, okay, you.

You know, once you're done this. This. The snow, it wasn't a big piece either. Once you're done this. Well, let's go get some bubble tea. Okay?

So all of a sudden, now he's like, hyperactive into the shoveling, and he's jumping into the car before I even know it. Right. It's just that he.

We know what they need to hear to make them do what we need them to do without blaming, shaming, or complaining or showing any, you know, really a negative, negative reaction. Like, we're not going to yell at him saying, you need to listen to me and don't do that. And that does not work.

You know, we know that and you know that with your child because you've experienced that. So you just have to reassure them, say, hey, I know. We know it works for him, but thank you for your care and consideration.

Herb: 00:25:26

Yeah, yeah.

We always had to keep coming up with new ways because, you know, whatever we did would only work for a short amount of Time and then we would have to adapt. And so it was a continual adaptation of how to motivate or get different things out of him because it was like he was, he was really intelligent.

Kristina: 00:25:44

Oh yeah, he is. Yeah.

Herb: 00:25:46

Is. He still is.

Susan Janzen: 00:25:47

Oh, we know. Yeah, for sure.

Herb: 00:25:49

And so it's like. To get him to do stuff. Yeah, some, but. But bribing them all of the time wasn't necessarily in the cards either.

Susan Janzen: 00:25:57

But it works. But it works. Yeah. And as long as he's happy with the outcome and you're happy with the outcome, that I don't see a problem there, do you? I don't.

Kristina: 00:26:07

Well, just as long as they also have some kind of intrinsic motivation. Right. If at all possible. Right. Because if they can be self motivated. If they can be. And we want them to be self starters. If they can be. Right.

So always bribing, you know, every once while. No, let's see if you can motivate yourself.

Yeah, but like her was saying, you know, about every two weeks we had to basically change up what we would call our discipline plan. You know, back then that was the big word, the discipline plan.

But basically it's like his parameters, what could we get him to do or not do within those two weeks? And then he would figure a way around it.

Susan Janzen: 00:26:39

Oh, because he's smart. And that's, you know what.

And then you have to look at this positive side of that saying if he, if he didn't have that intelligence, he wouldn't have figured that out so quickly. Like he knows. And so, you know, that he's, you know.

Kristina: 00:26:53

Yeah.

And so then with the school, that was quite the issue though, because they're like, oh, well, we just set up his, his reward plan or whatever at school. About two weeks later, I'm like, we have to change it again. They're like, we just changed it. It's like, yeah, and it's not working anymore.

Susan Janzen: 00:27:08

Yeah. And isn't it just. Those are like, like the children who are, are just have the, the higher IQ and they get bored really fast in school.

You know, the same kind of a, you know, equation there.

Like it's, you have to do something to get them, keep them engaged, you know, and it's just because they're so smart and they're picking up on what you're laying down here so fast. You need to. And you've, you've got to be on your toes. Right.

Herb: 00:27:37

Recently on our podcast, we had a father of a autistic son who was non verbal and in his 15, 16 year old when he, when he became 15 or 16, they. They've found the spelling thing where he.

Kristina: 00:27:52

Spelling method.

Herb: 00:27:53

A spelling method of communication. And the kid is now intending to go to Harvard and he's writing poetry, but he still is non verbal but he, he has to use his spelling.

Use his spelling board to be. And he can't type because he's. He's. His motor skills aren't there either.

Susan Janzen: 00:28:11

Yeah.

Herb: 00:28:12

So they're developing tools for him and he is incredibly intelligent and he used to act up in school because he was put in substandard classes where they weren't teaching him stuff. And you know, when. When they finally figured out the spelling thing, he. He was so far ahead of.

Of where they thought he was so excited following his brother's school as well and learning more from his brother and what his brother was doing then. So he would. He would act up in school to get sent home because he was bored at school.

Susan Janzen: 00:28:44

Yeah, of course. Yeah. And you would be too. I mean, right? I have a nice. I have a quick story for you. When I was in my teaching my high school kids, I have my class.

We have. We had two classes and I was in charge of the eight kids on this side and the non verbal were the other side. But we always did things together.

And then this one and one boy, his name was Aaron and he. And it was the end of the school year and I always some a singer as well. And I love singing anytime, anywhere.

And I brought my karaoke machine to the school to do the, you know, just sing along and have a party. And it was really interesting because this one boy I knew is non verbal.

I'd been there the whole year, he hadn't said anything but really, you know, great kid and you know, we. Everyone got along nicely. But I picked up the mic and I started singing an Elvis song.

Since my baby left I found a new place to dwell and all of a sudden Aaron took the mic out of my hand Heartbreak Hotel and he starts singing Heartbreak Hotel. And it was like the whole audience and everybody was like dumbfounded. Right? Because. But it was just that we hadn't found that.

Just like this boy, you just hadn't found the one thing. It was the music and he knew the song. His dad had played the Elvis all when he was little and he. And then every time he saw me he went, Elvis, Elvis.

Kristina: 00:30:04

Every time he saw me somewhere, right?

Susan Janzen: 00:30:07

I think so. But it was so. It was a miracle. It was like so amazing. So it's all there. It's just that we have to get. Encourage it to come out of what. And.

But we have to, you know, have the mystery of how do we do that, you know, and being open to those things.

Kristina: 00:30:24

And that makes so much sense because I'm actually tutoring with a child now, and it's the same kind of thing. He's not super verbal. I mean, he. He has words and he has phrases and things like that.

But if he is so into tune to something, he is actually singing songs. And so you know what he's kind of thinking about based on the songs that he's singing.

So when he's singing Old McDonald's, he's thinking about all of the animals. Right. And so we're. We start talking about animals and things because that's where his brain is kind of stuck on or working with right then. Right.

So once I figured that out, it was amazing how much progress. Right. And then his mom tuned into.

In the progress that she's making with him, and she's currently homeschooling him, and she is making wonderful games because of these things that she's been able to do and really tie into.

Herb: 00:31:14

Yeah. She sent Christina a series of text pictures. It's like, look what he's doing. And he wrote out the Alphabet, A to Z. I think he missed one letter. Yeah.

And he had animals and stuff on it. And she goes, I don't. And he's. And he's just humming along.

And Christina sent her a video of this lady saying the Alphabet sounds and bringing in the characters. And he did that all from memory. He. He did the Alphabet. He did the animals. He drew the animals into the Alphabet pictures. And it was like.

And when she sent the video, the mom was like, this is amazing.

Kristina: 00:31:55

And so, yeah, that connection that he was able to make because the music, because of everything that he's been learning.

Susan Janzen: 00:32:02

I think music is such a key to a lot of things. We could tie it.

We could put it and match it, like have it as a modality and everything, just to see if some of the kids might, you know, that might be a trigger for them to pick up on. And you never know. You know, you just. You just don't know. But isn't that interesting how powerful that is, that. That mode of music?

Herb: 00:32:24

So I'm. I'm also the out of the box part of this podcast.

Kristina: 00:32:27

Okay.

Herb: 00:32:28

I know a lot of people.

Susan Janzen: 00:32:29

Am I in trouble?

Herb: 00:32:30

No. I know a lot of. I know I work with energy healers and. And the. The Woo world.

And one energy healer that I worked with for a Long time when he was working with people. Okay, so what song are you thinking of right now? Or just think of a song.

And he, they would think they would just throw out a song and he would go, oh, this lyric and how this relates to this. And would, would.

So there's a lot of times where when I'm working on myself, it's like I'll start singing songs in my head and it's like, okay, what's going on with this song? Where does that relate to in my life and bring that message?

Kristina: 00:33:03

Is it giving you.

Herb: 00:33:03

What message is that? Is that random song that I can't get out of my head trying to tell me at this moment?

Susan Janzen: 00:33:11

Our subconscious is amazing. It's amazing.

Herb: 00:33:14

Yeah. So working with kids and having them sing a song or work with a song or what song do you want to hear? Can also, like I said, help.

Help find out their mood, help figure out where they want to work, figure out maybe something that's going on or what's wrong.

Susan Janzen: 00:33:28

And also not just in children. If I, I sing a lot in seniors homes, so I go to seniors homes especially during our summer Klondike days, kind of a festival here in Edmonton.

It's all the old Take Me out to the Ball Game and Five Foot Two Eyes of Blue, all those older type tunes that I sang and I, I remember so clearly like walking in and a lot of some of the homes, the people were pretty, they were at. They were dancing or active and getting caught their own coffees and stuff.

But some they were just sitting in a wheelchair, just kind of head hung over and not moving much. And it was. Or some even came in on stretchers.

But I remember specifically one time singing Take Me out to the Ball Game and taking my mic around to their, to the people. And I would never. One thing I learned as a professional singer was you don't embarrass especially women.

Like the men don't mind it if you do that because they joke around and they have fun with it. But women, you don't embarrass anybody.

But I only did it to people who were kind of mouthing the words a little bit and you could tell that they were kind of listening and they were into it. And so this one man, though, I put it right up to his mouth and he just started singing Take Me out to the Ball Game like it was his.

He was singing in the, in the, you know, Yankee Stadium. It was like amazing. And it just brings. That's that long term memory store of that music.

And they remember and he might not be remembering who his daughter is that's coming to visit, but he remembers the songs and the music. So that's something else that we can tap into. That music is. I don't think it matters. The age even does. It is.

Kristina: 00:34:56

Yeah. And actually that totally reminds me now about the importance of our nursery rhymes and the songs that we used to sing when we were little kids.

And so many of those have been dropped off and forgotten, but they were there for a reason.

That's how parents taught their kids how to rhyme, how to connect the dots, how to kind of tell stories through those nursery rhymes, through those songs and things like that. So it's important to play those sing song games with your young ones.

It's important to introduce them to the nursery rhymes, the tales and all those kinds of things.

Susan Janzen: 00:35:30

Yeah, so true. No, it's. That's so true. Music is powerful.

Kristina: 00:35:33

Yeah, absolutely. So one last thing here before we kind of wrap up.

When you're talking about practical strategies for overcoming life challenges, you were talking a little bit about that. Did you have another one that you really like to talk with parents about?

What is something else that they can do when, when things are just feeling overwhelming?

Susan Janzen: 00:35:53

One of what just came to my mind is, is this kind of applies not just to my parents of adaptive needs children, but anyone who's kind of in a, in a funk, like in, in feeling stuck or feeling. Not like being. Being grateful for everything is so important. And we do know that like it's scientifically even like waking up and being.

Saying the three things that you're grateful for and just having that.

You know, there's a 17 second rule where you just think about something for 17 seconds and it just perks you up because it's taking your mind off of the negative. But, but the one thing, and one of the things I teach is, is that I learned in another course that I was in and I'm. I'm.

It's called a Happy for no Reason. Marcy Shimoff, she was in the Secret, and so she has a course called Happy for no Reason.

And it's about being happy from the inside out, regardless of the stuff going on outside of us. But the one big thing that made a big impact on me was a blame, shame and complain game. And then it.

All we did was for a week, she just said, okay, just for a week.

Because a lot of times we, we blame somebody else for something that's happened or we shame ourselves for something that we're really internally embarrassed about, but we shouldn't be, you know, but. And also complaining, you know, the stupid weather. It's like, well, that's going to do a lot of good because you can't.

I mean, you have no power over the weather. So what she said was just go for a week and then do it alone with your family. And she said like get a big, big bowl on the counter.

And every time somebody complains, shames or complain, shames himself if they remember if they do it outwardly though or, or you know, like I should have lost 10 pounds, not five, you know, like anything and but saying that outside in your outside voice, you have to put a loony or in Canada where it's loonies here, but a dollar in the bowl. And then it's amazing how you don't realize that you're saying these things until you do it and then you put the money in.

And by the end of the weekend, if you do it with your whole family, it's a cool game. Or. And some people I know even do a whiteboard. They do their names with check marks. So they put a check every time. So you could do it that way too.

But it's just interesting. It's just that self awareness bit and that mindset where you, you don't realize how often you complain.

Kristina: 00:38:08

Yeah.

Susan Janzen: 00:38:09

And when you're made aware of that, because I remember the first time I did it, I had $42 in my bowl. It's like, excuse me, but there were more people in the group that had more and there was. Some people had less.

But the best thing is that the next week when I did it and I was really cognizant, I was really curious and every. If I was going to say something, I just would stop. I'd take a breath and just shut up. And you wouldn't say it.

I might think myself, but I wouldn't say it out loud. And then the next week I had $24 in there. Super cool. And then, and then the third week I had like. And I have.

You've got to be honest with yourself too. Right. But then the third week it was like just like two or something because I just slipped a couple times. But it's.

And now I really, honestly, that's the thing I've held on to the most and kept it. And even if I'm complaining about anybody, I just really stop myself first because is it going to do make it better?

Like if it's going to make it better? Well, yeah, you could state okay when you do that. This is how I feel and I get upset or something. You can be realistic that way.

But I mean when you're usually when you're blaming, shaming, complaining, it's nothing. That by you doing that it's not going to make it any better. Right, right.

Herb: 00:39:22

That reminds me of, of Dr. Robert Waldman and stomping the ants. And the ants stand for automatic negative thoughts.

Susan Janzen: 00:39:31

Exactly.

Herb: 00:39:32

And so whenever you have those automatic negative thoughts, one of his suggestions was to put a rubber band around your, your wrist and snap it because your automatic negative thoughts are hurting you.

And then if you would snap rubber band which gives you a little bit of pain and it's like, okay, now you have a more wreck and so you start stomping the ants. That didn't necessarily work for me very well.

Kristina: 00:39:56

So maybe the dollar thing would work better.

Susan Janzen: 00:39:58

Maybe the money, maybe the money thing will work. Cool.

Herb: 00:40:02

Well, one of the things that I did is I started putting things on an easy scale instead of a hard scale. So, so instead of complaining it's like, oh, that's really hard. It's like, wow, that's really not easy.

Because then it's like you're focusing on the ease of what you're doing instead of how hard it is. And so saying something is not easy, isn't, is. Is a lot different than saying wow, that's really hard. Which is a kind of a.

So it kind of takes it into another realm. And that worked a lot better for me.

Susan Janzen: 00:40:31

Good, good. And everyone, like, just like our kids, everyone's a little bit different, you know, whatever that trigger is.

And that helps you remember, you know, that that's what it is.

And that's finding that, you know, using our mind and being really conscious to, to find those little triggers and those little things that do work for you, you know, and for our kids especially.

Herb: 00:40:52

And we do have that Marcy Shimoff book Happy for no reason as well.

Susan Janzen: 00:40:55

Yeah, I do that course. It's a great course. It's an eight week course. And during COVID I, I came into my office here and I can't sell houses and I can't sing.

I can't, couldn't do anything. And for me that was actually a really. A pot. I see it as a positive thing.

And only that in my personal sense is that I had the time, I had the space and this calm, like, what am I going to do with this time?

And it was then, so then she had, I was on the Year of Miracles anyway, and she said, okay everybody, I'm doing this course is coming up it's eight weeks and. And, you know, you can do it yourself, you know, like teach people. And I.

I ended up doing it at the University of Alberta twice in their Ella program, Lifelong Learners association for People 50 and up who, you know, they just want to take courses. And it was really, really fun. And everyone really. I did it on Zoom, and I did two of those, and I did a few live after that too, as well.

But it was just such a positive outcome. People are like, oh, like, we didn't think about that. Like, we didn't, you know, but it's.

The biggest thing is finding peace from the inside out and loving yourself.

Herb: 00:42:06

You said A Year in miracles. Is that the A course in miracles where you actually do a different thing every day for a year?

Susan Janzen: 00:42:12

No, that's A course in miracles. Marianne Williamson. No, I did not do that. This is called. It's called A Year of Miracles. It was Sue Mortar, who does the energy. Yeah.

Stuff, and Sherry and Marcy Shimoff. And it was just every month we had a different. Like, one month was financial, your relationships, self, love. Like, every month was a topic.

And then they had speakers come on. And then just on the third month, Marcy just said, hey, I'm gonna do this happy for no reason course.

And if you want to jump in, you can register here. And. And at first I thought, no, you know, the word happy is a weird word for me. Like, what does that mean? Right.

That's kind of like one of your words. Her, like, it's, you know, and that it seemed too frivolous actually to me at the time when she said it. The happy for no reason.

Like, what is sticking your head in the sand? Kind of an ostrich thing. Like, what is that? So I didn't understand when I first heard.

But then, then I started thinking about it and I thought, I looked at the outline of the course. I thought finding an inner sense of peace and well being is her definition of being happy from the inside out. And I thought I could use.

I like that inner sense of peace and calm, you know, regardless.

Herb: 00:43:16

Another interesting thing is I suffered a traumatic brain injuries, actually a series of traumatic brain injuries. And I damaged a lot of the part portions of my brain that actually allow for happiness.

So I very much lost touch with what that means, how that feels.

And a lot of my positive emotions are actually gone, which is interesting because I smile a lot and I try and be very outwardly outgoing and positive, but it doesn't happen internally. This is a. This is a habit that I've Built to. To seem this way, and it doesn't necessarily feel that way for me. So that's.

It's really interesting that. That you said that because I don't necessarily understand what happy is anymore either. So.

Susan Janzen: 00:43:59

Yeah, it's.

Herb: 00:44:00

It's a really interesting that you brought that around.

Kristina: 00:44:02

Like, maybe go look up that course and have you look at it and see if that helps you out. Right. But one of the things I love about everything we've just been talking about is the. Can turn into role modeling for our children. Right.

So when we're doing these things, when we're talking about these things, making sure we're role modeling it for our children so that they can understand what is happy. How do you put things on a positive scale? How can you have that growth mindset?

Susan Janzen: 00:44:26

Right.

Kristina: 00:44:26

Because if they don't have those models, they're not going to necessarily get it by themselves. So please listen to this part again and really think of something.

Find something that you can do with your children and have them get that positive role model on some of these.

Susan Janzen: 00:44:41

Oh, good advice. Great advice. Because there's always something. There's always something you can be grateful for. And some people, I think they just don't see.

They can't see it. It's hard for them to see it, you know, and. And. But it's.

You got to look for it and you have to really be like, I'm happy for the pen I just wrote with.

I'm happy for just like finding the smallest little things, you know, that we, you know, I'm happy for the people around me that I like to hang out with. Like, whatever it is, doesn't matter. But just that awareness is so important.

Herb: 00:45:12

Yeah. So I would. So for me, that's more of a gratitude than a happy. So I do have gratitude.

But that there's a There, I guess there's a little shift in there between gratitude and happiness that I still need to make somewhere in there. So, again, gratitude practice is so very, very important.

Susan Janzen: 00:45:30

Mm. And you're right about the happy word. I mean, that's like. We went back to the beginning here. Like that word.

It's just, you know, maybe, you know, people don't get it. And again, we're just explaining. We just have to, you know, educate and say, this is what I mean by that. It's just feeling of pf.

Sense of joy and fulfillment and gratitude all the time. And it's from the inside.

It's not because of what you said to me or what you've given me or Whatever somebody else did to me or I just want a million bucks. No, it's. It's inside. Regardless of all the stuff that's going on on the outside, I feel it inside. And it's a feeling.

It's a really good feeling, whatever that word is, that you want to label it as.

Kristina: 00:46:10

Susan, this has been a wonderful discussion. We are so glad that you joined us today and helped us kind of move through these different layers and things like that.

Would you make sure that you tell our audience how to get a hold of you? Because if something has struck your chord, please reach out to Susan and see if she can help you out a little bit more.

Susan, Susan, go ahead and share that information.

Susan Janzen: 00:46:26

Oh, and again, thank you so much for having me on your vibrant family education. I love you. I love what you guys do. It's great. I'm at www. Sujansen ca. It's a Canadian site, and I have courses there.

And some happiness quiz is actually on there. And which is in the book, too. You could find. You know where it is. It's the same one. And. And yeah, I'd love to hear from you.

And you can reach out LinkedIn, Facebook, anywhere that. That you see me. I'm. I. I'm pretty good at answering pretty quickly, you know, and I'd love to hear any comments or suggestions or questions anytime.

Thank you.

Kristina: 00:47:03

Sounds wonderful. Awesome. Thank you for sharing that with us and for being with us today.

Is there anything that we didn't touch on that you were kind of hoping to touch on today?

Susan Janzen: 00:47:14

I think we covered a lot.

Kristina: 00:47:16

Yeah, I feel like.

Susan Janzen: 00:47:17

I feel like we really did. And I'm really happy about, you know, about. Yeah, yeah. Just. Just. I'm grateful for you guys.

I'm grateful that you're here and sharing your expertise to everybody, and I'm just happy to be here today, too. So thank you for that.

Kristina: 00:47:32

You're very, very welcome.

Herb: 00:47:33

And thank you for joining us today. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing your family. So some of the things that.

That kind of were probably hurtful for you, and now you're sharing them and helping make the world a better place for that. So many times people who have children like this, they do feel shame and guilt and they shut down and they don't share.

And instead you took that and you're bringing it out to the world to help other people. And that is a beautiful thing. And that's the hero's journey. That's slaying the dragon and then coming back to tell the story.

So thank you for being a hero today. Thank you for sharing your story, and it was just an absolute pleasure talking today.

Susan Janzen: 00:48:11

Thank you so much, you guys. Thank you. You're welcome.

Kristina: 00:48:13

All right, audience, it is time to wrap up for today, but please remember that we are here to help you and your family become the best that it can be through education, through mindset, through growth. We want happy, healthy, and successful children all throughout our future. So please do your best to accept that challenge and move forward.

Listen to the podcast. Take the Golden Nuggets. Take the tips and tricks. Put them in your pocket, take them with you and take them out and use them.

Don't just put them on the shelf or put them in your pocket. Until next time. We will talk to you later. Bye bye for now.