S2EP21-Kathi Sohn-Rewriting Childhood Narratives: The Power of Body Memory

Herb: 00:00:19

of introducing Kathi Sohn. In: 2020

Widowed in: 2019

You made It Up, Now Stop Believing it.

Released in: 2023

Thank you so much for joining us today.

Kathi Sohn: 00:01:10

Thank you. It's great to be here.

Kristina: 00:01:13

Thank you also for joining us.

Yeah, it's one of those things that whenever I started looking at your bio and things and finding you to come on the show, we had another summit that we were co on, right? You were on one part of the summit and we were on another part of the summit. I'm like, you know what?

A lot of people talk about this thing called the childhood, the generational trauma. We want to make sure that our kids aren't labeled or saddled with all the things that we put up with all over the place as we were growing up.

And part of vibrant family education is that whole child making sure that whole child is getting the best education and the best step forward. So that was one of the reasons I really wanted to have you on the show.

So with that, would you tell us kind of that pivotal point, what was, what was it that happened that made this your passion that you need to bring this information to families and to help children so much?

Kathi Sohn: 00:02:04

Sure. Well, when I first learned about this work, I was about halfway through my federal career of that 36 years.

It was when my husband to be was introduced to me. He was the one who pioneered the body memory process. Maybe for one or two minutes, just speak, just to honor him again.

I lost him a few years ago, but if it weren't for him, of course I wouldn't be here now. And when I talk about the pivotal point, it'll be about personal experience of mine with the work. So David created the work out of his own.

A big trauma in his childhood being a near death experience. He had double staph pneumonia. The doctors didn't know how to cure it yet.

He was 13 years old and he was pronounced dead and he was without pulse and respirations for a period of time. I don't remember exactly the second remember he told me. And I like, I can't remember exactly how long it was, but it was long enough.

Everybody thought he was gone. And then his dad noticed something on the monitor or something and he was back.

And David said that, you know, through that for the next years, I mean, he came back really feeling he had a very personal spiritual experience as a near death. He remembers things and he said that he knew he had something important to do. That's why he came back.

And he discovered it really kind of naturally out of his journey around wellness.

So the doctors always told him that he would not ever be truly well and that he wouldn't be able to live a really active life because the disease had left scar tissue in his lungs. Now that wasn't the case at all. David did amazing things with his. Led a very active life.

And even up into his later years in life, he was still very, very much. Until he got ill. He was very, very, very active, more than a lot of others his age.

He said that he wanted to know what really was wellness since the doctors told him he couldn't be. And through his own personal study, he studied really broadly.

It was the time period of the human potential movement in the 80s and some great research was going on. Dr.

Candice Pert, who wrote Molecules of Emotion, she was the first scientist to prove the mind body connection because she discovered that during traumatic events, neurotransmitters travel to receptors all over the body. She's quoted as saying trauma puts down deep roots in the body and that your body is your subconscious mind.

So she did some incredible work came out of that. So the mind body can connection was one pillar of him creating the work.

Another, another one was just the power of belief, which we're all familiar with from, from religion. And they were just the wisdom handed through the ages and just personal experience. And the third was based on some research that Dr.

David Chamberlain was doing around that period of time and Dr.

Thomas Burney about the consciousness of babies in the womb at birth and of those first 70 years of life and how critical they are of us making up our operating programs, as Dr. Bruce Lipton calls them, about ourselves, about others, and about life.

David created the work and he worked with clients for over 30 years and pulled together this huge body of knowledge, even a body map based on where these. And I'll explain vowels in a moment. Beliefs and valves is kind of interchangeable, but vowels has a nuance I want to explain in a moment.

But when, when people would Come and work with him. It would be like, okay, I've got say with something going on, with tension in their shoulders or, or something like that.

They would almost always have a vow, a belief related to communication, like nobody listens to me, nobody ever listens to me, or nobody cares what I have to say, or something like that. And there are the almost a thousand vows that I basically have inherited from his work. They're all can be correlated. I, you know, I have a.

I have a map now in an Excel workbook that has this correlation and just amazing stuff that came from the work. Now the pivot work.

The pivotal moment for me, and this is why one reason, one main reason why this work is so important for me to bring to the world, especially to kids, is my own personal experience of the work. And that was out of my own. Just I really had a lot of difficulty as a kid.

And then when I became a manager, standing in front of a group of people now, you could say, well, everybody has that. It's a real common fear, fear of speaking. But this was really deep. And what I experienced, I always was able to kind of pull it off.

Like people would say, oh, you didn't look that nervous. But inside it was great turmoil. And I realized that I needed to figure out what was going on or it wasn't going to be good for my health.

So right around the time that David came along, I was deciding that I needed to do something about it. When I learned about his work, I was like, gee, maybe I could use the work.

And to summarize the work, what it does is it helps people to discover what those beliefs are, those vows. And David referred to them as vows because like wedding vows, they're a promise, but not to someone else, to ourselves.

Like, this is how I'm going to. And it's not a conscious promise. It's in our body memory, it's in our subconscious that I'm going to live my life this way.

So if I don't think anybody cares what I have to say, then I'm not going to take a risk of getting. Putting myself out there, right? That, that type of thing.

So when I did the work, which again was the discovery workaround, which is a process outlined in the book, which we can talk about in a little bit, there's a discovery process and there's also a release process. So I did the discovery work and then I did the release work, and then everything really changed for me. What I discovered that.

That I was, which I already knew was that I was Very premature. But what I discovered about it was that because I was in an incubator for a period of time, I was critically watched by the medical staff.

I'll give away my age, it was: 1961

And if you with the.

All the work again, the science behind it, which again is explained in the book about how we're connected about in an energetic way and all of that emotional stuff, I didn't have. I didn't understand the words, but I was able to perceive that people didn't think I was going to make it.

And so here I am all these years later and I'm standing in front of people being critically watched. And my vow is they watch me to see when I'm going to die. Because on some level that I believe that they thought I was going to die.

was under two pounds back in: 1961

What is dying on stage? Well, I don't know. I forget what I'm. What I want to say, you know, I dropped my nose. So, you know, anything, anything.

Just not being successful and that people are critic or basically the critically watching part was it. That was what was so terrifying to me. Even though a lot of times I would get great feedback, it was that whole experience.

So I've had this, this personal experience of work where I've been able to relieve myself of that and oh sure, I'm like anyone else. I still get a little nervous getting.

But it's not debilitating like it used to be because I've just, you know, released all the energy around that by doing the work. And David didn't work with kids. But when I decided that I wanted to continue his legacy after I lost him, at first it was kind of like I wanted to.

To do the work because I wanted to continue to honor him.

But it really became more of a personal mission to me that if, if kids, if we're kids, when we make all this up, then it's important to reach parents with this message because parents hold the key all the way from the earliest, when they're carrying all the way, mom and dad both, how they interact, because it's about that emotional connection. Those scientists that I mentioned, Dr. Verney, Dr.

Chamberlain did write books on their work and they found out Things like if dad is not really present for some reason, either physically or just not emotionally present, you know, that can have a big impact on the baby and a lot on the outcome as well. So I, I decided I wanted to just reach parents with the work and also to reach kids directly.

So this year I'm working on, I'm making connections locally with the board of education, talking to principals to be able to get to high school assemblies, maybe even middle schools, and in a way that's appropriate, age appropriate, not to hit them with a whole bunch of the scientific stuff, but to inspire and motivate them, to make them realize that self awareness is a big key to resilience. Because when you take David's work and you kind of like, and I've done a lot of work around this, like China boiling, how can it best help people?

Because it can help them with all kinds of things. Because beliefs are central to everything.

It really comes down to the resilience that you can have when you're deeply self aware because you don't have those vowels, those beliefs working against you all the time.

And you're able to be more, you know, more confident and in, more of, in charge of your own life and not being run like something running you in through your subconscious that you're not even aware of.

Herb: 00:13:25

That is just a absolute beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It really is just the whole journey there, so kind of down to it. Oh, wow.

I just had a question and it just kind of fled that last part that you were talking about with kids. Oh yeah. You started working with kids and you started working with high schoolers and down to middle school and.

But you also talked about how around, you know, the 3 to 7 is where the main programming sets have you. Are you trying to also get down into that age to kind of get these foundational ideas?

e giving away my age, born in: 1970

Well, it was, but it just wasn't well known.

Kathi Sohn: 00:14:30

Right.

Herb: 00:14:31

So trying to release the traumas and get this information and do this stuff as an adult is so much more difficult than if you even if you just hear it and understand it as a kid and grow up with it, then it makes it easier to implement later.

Kathi Sohn: 00:14:48

So yes, I absolutely agree with you and I have I haven't done it yet, but I've kind of toyed around with the idea of writing a children's book as well. But right now, mostly it's about influencing parents during that.

Those first to, you know, explaining all of this to them so that they can do some damage control.

Because what I make clear, and I make this clear in the book, is that if parents aren't aware, they can reinforce something that the child has made up.

Because, you know, children are, as you're aware with the work you do, you're well aware that children are sort of the center of their own world, right? Egocentric. They're not logical until seven years or maybe some beyond, depending on the growth.

And it's easy for them to sort of leap to conclusions about things that they don't even understand that they're experiencing and that they're observing, right?

And so when I explain to people from the stage about childhood trauma, I make it clear that even if you think you had a happy childhood, you know, don't just sort of dress well. This not about me, because you can have the happiest childhood, but you still have this trauma that comes from these beliefs that you can create.

Because, you know, you. You just didn't understand. You leapt to conclusions, and it wasn't anything about what your parents did to you.

It was just this mistake that you made about. About yourself. When parents are conscious, right? And about all of this, they can. They can really help. I can tell a quick story of.

Of what I think is a really great demonstration. Of course, my daughter was older than the age group, that really vulnerable age group, but still in the. In the, like beyond seven.

I think she was nine maybe when this happened. And so we. I mean, we create beliefs our whole life, right? It's just that beginning period when we're putting in what Dr.

Lipton calls the operating programs, that it happens mostly, but she had. She always had a great palette. She loved some of the time that she could eat solid food. She wanted to eat what mom and dad were eating, right?

And all. And so on one day I bought her something I thought that she would like. It was a frozen dessert, some type of frozen dessert. Wasn't ice cream.

It was something else that I thought she'd like. And she took one bite and said, oh, I don't like it, Mom. You can have it. And it was a little expensive, and I didn't want it.

It was a little sweet for me. And so I'm throwing it away in the garbage. And I said, sarah, you must Think I'm made out of money and threw it away. And I heard my own words, right.

It was, this is the importance of being conscious as parents. As much as you can. Sometimes it gets away from you and, you know, what can you do? Right. Our emotions get a little beyond, but.

Kristina: 00:17:43

We can definitely be aware of what we're doing.

Kathi Sohn: 00:17:45

Yes, certainly keep working on that. But in this moment, thankfully, I heard my own words and I thought, oh, my goodness, this is where it happens. Right.

And so the first thing I did was go around the counter and I gave her a big hug and I said, you know, that was not Mom, I apologize. Mom was wrong in that. And I said, I want you to know that your opinion matters to me. It matters to me more than money.

And we talked about a little bit and we hugged and it was over. But I've written about this scenario, I think that's in the book. I've written about it in some things that I've written.

And I talk about kind of extrapolate what could happen if that was reinforced. Because once the child makes a belief, you know, beliefs, we, we prove, we prove them true. That's why the book is made it up.

Stop believing it, because that's what perpetuates it. Because through any experience you have, it's like, you'll see I was right. Yeah.

You know, nobody does care what have to say or no, my opinion doesn't matter. And you know, she could find herself in a job where she's not valued. Right. Or maybe, maybe she's making a lot of money and. But she's not happy in it.

But because she undervalues her own opinion and her own experience, she might sort of be. Let herself be unhappy in that job. Right. And I think there's a couple another scenario, but it's like, no, it really can play out that way.

Trying to just track it, you know, from, from the creation of it all the way through, how it could play out in that child's life when they become an adult or get older. Yeah.

Kristina: 00:19:29

And it's so important because like you were saying, it's just like the money thing. It also happens with education. Right.

You get with your child and you start talking about something and they'll say something like, oh, I'm not very good at this, or I'm not smart enough to do that. And unknowingly, we either reinforce it or we turn it around and say, no, no, no, this was just this one time.

That doesn't mean that's going to happen all the time. So, yeah, it's super, super important. So I hear kids all the time. I'm good. I'm bad at math or I'm bad at reading or I'm bad at whatever.

It's like, well, are you really? Or were you just having a hard time learning that one part? Let's try something new.

So, yeah, all of this wraps into this way huge picture of this little thing that can be said or done or missed. And then.

Kathi Sohn: 00:20:14

Yeah, exactly. And how many times you hear people say, I'm not creative? Yeah. You know, so many adults think that they're not creative.

And it's like, you have to be creative because you're alive, you know, so what are you creating? You know? Right. So right now you're creating a limitation by saying that you're not creative. Right. I mean, we're always.

Our words have power, our thoughts. Right. All of it, and certainly beliefs.

Kristina: 00:20:43

So let's jump into one of those tips for our parents right now.

What is something that you either teach or you help parents so that they can maybe make that shift and do things a little bit different with their kids.

Kathi Sohn: 00:20:53

Yeah. So when I like to talk about the teen years especially. Right.

That adolescent period where, you know, kids are just starting to figure out who they are as separate from their parents. So there's self image there, there's self identity, and then there's image of what? What do I think you do? You think I am?

And there's that perception thing there. There's value. Like, what is my value in the world? How, you know, am I? How competent am I?

As they're starting to figure out maybe what they want to study in college. Right. Oh, what do they want? What do I want to be when I. When I grow up? So it's this great period of time when kids understand abstract concepts.

They can understand all of this, but yet they're, you know, they're not out in the world in the. What I call the school of hard knock, hard knocks.

And that they have to kind of like you were saying, Herb, like, oh, it can be so hard, like trying to sort all this out once you're already an adult and down the road and you've already reinforced it that much. So you're getting them before for they've probably done a little reinforcing, but not nearly as much.

So it's this beautiful period of time to do this. I like to tell parents that the best thing they can do is just listen. Just listen.

And it's something that parents don't often do all that well, because there is this tendency, especially if there's a breakdown from the time the child is very young, to, ah, what's going on? Go to your room. Or there's a lecture or there's some type of punishment before the child even has a chance to say what was going on for them.

I mean, that they're emotionally dysregulated and then the parent is as well. And in that scenario, there isn't really any problem solving going on, right? There's only emotional content.

And that's the time period that's just ripe for the creation of these vowels is when the emotions are running. That's when Dr. Pert's bit about the neurotransmitters, they're all running. They're running to the receptors. They're carrying all that information.

So it's really about from the very beginning establishing that bond with your child to use the acronym acronym CALM. So count whatever it takes. Count to 5, count to 10. Create that. Anything to stop you from reacting.

And then ask, be curious, you know, ask what's going on, right? Then the L is listen. So then give them the time. And then the M is like, then is like, you know, make your, your mark right on what's going on.

Like, put in that great information. Let them know that they are always loved and that whatever is going on, you know, that's, that's okay.

And so that the child can put that whole experience into a context that they can regulate and then have that learning and know that they're loved and they're much less likely to have that, that vowel experience, right? Where they just, they just sort of file it away in their body memory and then forget about it and later on it comes up. So if, if.

When parents are talking to their teens through whatever fun activity they want to do, baking, right? Or gardening, walking, I just some bonding activity to do. Then you know that a lot of times you hear always or never show up.

So that's a great opportunity to challenge. So people, I don't know, people don't think I'm like. Nobody thinks I'm smart. I don't know. I'm just sort of.

That's just the first one that came to my mind. Oh, tell me a time. When can you tell me about a time when you thought that somebody didn't take, always take. Whenever they say it.

Get them to tell you a time. Get them into an experience. Because then they have to. They're just that, that talking about it.

Then they get a chance to kind of evaluate and Then you can challenge it. It's like, okay, so maybe they say that somebody put them down and actually said that they were stupid. Well, can. Can you think of another time?

Well, maybe they can't, right? Or like, they're. They may think of another one. But a lot of times it's. That is so devastating.

And it just was emotionally, so it just wrecked them so much that they. They get into, like, nobody thinks I'm smart or. And you can also challenge.

So once you get them talking about experiences and, you know, they have a valid thing to say, well, it's because of this, and this happened. So what makes you think then that, you know, nobody thinks you're smart then? Because there's a lot of people in the world, Right.

Just sort of talk it through and challenge. So in the book, there's a whole process around that. It's actually. It's not really a dialogue. It's a more of a individual process for emptying this.

What David called the physical, the mental, and the spiritual cup. Emptying the cup. So it's about dealing with that body memory on a physical way. There's what. What we call disavowals.

So you have a vowel, then you have a disavow. There's some forgiveness work. That's the spiritual side of things. And then there's a.

There's a mental process as well, dealing with all that brain chatter. Right. Stuff. So that would be the actual process that you could do. And I have something I call resilient Teen.

It's a resource that's 50 pages of this process, really. Designed for parents to work with their teen on this, using that body memory process.

But if you don't have that and you want to just say, how do I start? And that whole listening and challenging process really works. Works great to start opening those doors.

Kristina: 00:27:08

Yeah, I like that.

Herb: 00:27:10

As soon as they start talking, you're wrong. You're wrong.

Kristina: 00:27:13

No, that's not what she said.

Kathi Sohn: 00:27:14

I challenge you. You're wrong, not what she said.

Kristina: 00:27:18

No, totally get it.

Kathi Sohn: 00:27:20

Yeah.

Herb: 00:27:20

No, but it's like, it's questioning the belief with curiosity. It's like, where did that come from? Yeah. Is there any other possibility? You know, but.

But also, you know, you have to, like, not discount their feelings as well.

Kathi Sohn: 00:27:33

Of course. Oh, absolutely.

Herb: 00:27:35

Well, are real. The situation might not be so right.

Kathi Sohn: 00:27:40

Actually. I'm glad you put that in. I. I didn't want to, you know, gloss over that because that. That is really an important part as well, because it's a real.

It's Definitely real. You know, for them, it's just like what I was just talking about with the child who's very young is you.

You know, you can get into the more mental part of stuff, but it's really important to acknowledge that emotional stuff that's going on around it, because that's where. If that's not acknowledged and dealt with, then that's where everything stops. Right.

I mean, we know people who are emotionally sort of stunted at the age at which they experience the trauma. So. So that is extremely important. I'm glad you brought that up.

Herb: 00:28:20

And you keep talking about the work, and it's really funny because the work is so not work, but it's the hardest work you'll ever do because as an adult, you now have to go sit in that feeling. You have to acknowledge that feeling.

You don't have to have the memory, you don't have to have all of that, but you have to sit in that feeling and find it in your body and let it go. So that it's not. But. So, yeah, if you can do that as a child and let it go earlier.

Kathi Sohn: 00:28:49

Yeah.

Herb: 00:28:50

And so it's like, oh, that's the work. It's like. That doesn't sound like much. It's like, it's incredibly not easy.

Kathi Sohn: 00:28:59

Yeah.

Kristina: 00:28:59

Especially when you have 40, 50 years.

Herb: 00:29:01

Years of avoiding those feelings, of trying to, you know, put your feelings aside, of doing everything but. But feeling what you feel. And then suddenly to. To get this healing, you have to. To feel all of that stuff. It's like, you know, that's.

That's why it's so helpful to teach children how to feel and start to understand this stuff and start unpacking it way earlier.

Kathi Sohn: 00:29:25

Yes. And to also tell them how important it is to listen to their body, that their body is their friend. Because how many people.

I mean, if you think about it, adult. With adults, we talk about, especially old, older people, like, it's all about how their body's failing them and letting them down. Right.

And I think as kids who are naturally tuned in to our body and then what's conditioned out of us, so we have instead of on demand schedules as far as, like eating or even going to the bathroom, I mean, if you think about schedules at work, I mean, at school especially. Right. Or at work and with meeting agendas and, I don't know, you know, a lot of times it's. You're.

I've been in conferences where it's like, well, if you have to go to the bathroom, just leave the room. Like, they didn't, they were like, we're not gonna. We have a lot to cover. We're not gonna. To figure in breaks, right?

Yeah, but you don't wanna miss anything. So. So, you know, it's just, it's. It's everything over years and years and years of those types of experiences where being able to just. I mean, our.

We start tuning out the signals from our body. And I really believe that long before anything ever becomes a disease, it shows up as an imbalance. First. Everything.

And if you, if you're just not paying any attention, I mean, water is huge. And one of the simplest things to take care of. And there's a whole book that I have right here. I have my library next to me here.

There's a book I have called your Body's Many Cries for Water. And in his point of view, and I don't know, it's kind of extreme, he thinks that almost everything is related to dehydration.

But there's some truth in it. I'm sure that a lot of things that could be helped if people drank a lot more to lubricate things and all that. So, yeah, from imbalances.

And then if kids are able to learn this, then they've got this toolbox, right, for the rest of their life. All of a sudden they start noticing something. They can go, gee, I wonder what's going on. I mean, I do it now.

I'm like, okay, everything means something. So, you know, what is it? And I put this in the book too. That in my government work, I went from two different assignments.

So I'd been in assignment for two to four years. And of course I'd be really super good at it. And then it would be time to move on.

So here I am looking at this gap between I'm really, really good at something and then I'm going to be totally new at it again, right. And. And am I? And then all those questions would come up for me and can I do this?

Because it would be at the next level as I continued to go to be promoted. And then it would be like, oh, can I, Can I really handle something that big? Can I handle that much money?

Can I, you know, really all these questions. And what would happen is I'd start beating up my feet. Because feet are about moving forward, right? That's one of the clues.

So your body, everything means something, right? And with your. Your body, whenever you've got. Not talking cr.

Well, chronically as well, but even if you're talking about little, These little Injuries I do to ourselves. Like sometimes it's my fingers, right. Like I'm in the kitchen.

Like I have a week where I've just how many times am I going to cut myself, you know, or, or get burned? You know, it's like, what's going on? So. But there's little met. There are messages.

Louise Hay, if anybody is familiar with her, a lot of her work was sort of equating that what's going on with certain parts of your body with what's going on for you emotionally or mentally, what's going on with that energy system, the chakra system. That. Because our body is an information and an energy system.

Herb: 00:33:21

And I would like to say that when I said that to do the work, you have to sit in the feeling and you said you have to listen to the body. For me, that's kind of the same thing. So. So you say listen, I say feel. So that's kind of auditory versus kinesthetic and there's a. Another third way.

So however it shows up for you, it's not right or wrong if, if listening, if listening to your body doesn't make sense of feeling, your body doesn't make sense or vice versa. It's, it's, it's, it's learning to start humaning yourself. It's feeling. You're feeling what's going on with you. However you want to describe that.

Kathi Sohn: 00:34:02

Yeah. So it really is feeling like when I say listening, I mean, that's sort of how I term it. But you're right.

I mean, it's not like your toe goes, hey, you know, not really. Right. You're not really here. But you are going to say, though.

Herb: 00:34:17

The first time, after you listen for a couple of years, the first time that stuff does start happening and they do start talking to you, you. Which can't happen. It, it's really funny and it's really weird and you don't even believe it, but it does kind of start talking to you back.

It's kind of weird.

Kathi Sohn: 00:34:35

Yeah.

Herb: 00:34:35

So don't be alarmed if weird stuff start happening, but also if it doesn't, it took years before something weird happened. So it was kind of weird.

Kathi Sohn: 00:36:22

Exactly.

Kristina: 00:36:25

So I'm wondering, as parents are kind of even walking around the house kind of doing their own stuff. Stuff, how could they model for their younger children?

Because I know you were saying, you know, working with the teens and stuff because they're logical and things like that, but like her was saying, if we can get it down lower, you know, if we can model, if we can Even plant those seeds when they're a little bit younger. I'm wondering what that would do and how that might help later.

Kathi Sohn: 00:36:50

Yeah, I, so again, I think from the very early as possible.

So when the baby is still in the tummy is a great place to start with that realizing that the baby is emotionally plugged in because neurotransmitters cross the placenta. So whatever's going on for me, if I'm worried about, and especially first time moms, can I really afford this? Am I really going to be able. Good mom.

Can I keep this little being alive? I remember having those thoughts. My son, I'm a mom. I have a 15 year old and, and almost 12 year old now. And I remember my son who was born early.

He was 3lbs 12oz when he was born. I got to take him home when he was five pounds and I'm like, where's my medical staff? Really? I'm supposed to bring him home and take care of him.

Really scary, really scary stuff. So. And that's okay. And it's not about, it's. This is where it gets, it's kind of like what you were saying, Herb, about acknowledging the emotion.

Right. I don't want to get right and wrong into here at all. It's not about that. And so everyone needs to please understand that it's all good.

It's all about life. It's the awareness that's the most important thing. Right.

I had a teacher once who said it's not about the birds that fly over your head, it's the ones that nest in your hair that you need to worry about. Right. So it's the one, you know, it's about whether your mom.

Of where you're contemplating and you're pregnant, you're contemplating am I going to be mom?

When you're thinking about the birth and how that's going to go and, and then when the, the child is in those early, really formative years, you know, if, yeah, emotions can, things can happen, but just know that it's okay. And you can do a lot of damage control with a hug. Right? I mean, just stop. Like if people would just. It's that.

It's when you're not conscious and you let the emotions in. Like all of this stuff is played out and then maybe somewhere down the line, all of a sudden you look up and you go, oh, it just happened.

Like, like, wow, how did I get so out of control? And now I'm not talking to them, not talking to me, and they slammed the door and like, what do I do now? Right. So to do what you can. To just not. To.

To. To be aware when things are starting to break down. That's why that awareness, if you have an acronym that works for you, to be able to count that.

There's some. A lot of wisdom in. Count to 10. Right. So I really liked.

Herb: 00:39:45

I really liked. Wow. I'm having a moment. Say so I have brain damage. I have stuff come and go all the time. It's really. It's really interesting. But wow, it's just gone.

Gone. I'm gonna. I'm gonna skip it, then. I'll let you.

Kristina: 00:40:02

All right. But Kathy, no, I love what you were saying. And that pin. That point of, you know, emotions come and go. That's all correct.

Kathi Sohn: 00:40:09

But.

Herb: 00:40:12

Really, like you were talking about, there's no good or bad feelings. Well, that's. But or no, there's no judgment in. In when they're talking about it. And that goes also back to feelings, because so.

So many people, when they get angry, they. Oh, that's bad. It's bad. Being angry. It's not bad. Being angry. Angry is a signal.

Kathi Sohn: 00:40:34

Yes.

Herb: 00:40:34

And so that's. That's as you start to. Again, become conscious of your feelings and your thoughts and your. And.

And you start to recognize it as a signal, is like, that anger is like, oh, I'm getting really angry. That means I need to yell and stomp around. It's like, no, that signal means you need to stop.

So when you're driving somewhere and you see a stoplight, it's like, oh, green light. That's good. Red light, that's bad. It's like, it's not good or bad.

Kathi Sohn: 00:41:00

It's.

Herb: 00:41:00

It's go or stop. Anger, frustration isn't bad. That's a red light. That means stop. And while you might have an association to it, like, oh, dang it, another red light.

O. And I'm angry. It's like, you still need to stop and use that signal as an opportunity to look around and say, something's not right.

Let's figure it out. And this signal, stop.

Kathi Sohn: 00:41:25

I love that. I think that's very useful, that red light, green light. I might steal that and use that and write about that.

Because I think that is really important. If we could have that. That awareness, right?

That there's a word for that, metacognition, I think, where you're kind of, like, able to kind of step back and observe yourself. I think that's really very useful. And so that you're not. Otherwise you're stuck. You're not in it. Right.

Put yourself more in kind of like the audience. If they're thinking of yourself on a stage, you're not the actor. Where I'm just playing my part to be able to say, oh, this is.

This is something going on here. I. I think that's the best thing for those little ones especially. And what for.

For parents to do when they have those little ones is to be as conscious as they can, because that is the period of time and these vows are being created. You know, we're talking about the teens. And then it's like they're already created. And of course, they can always create more beliefs, but they can.

It's more about discovering, okay, what did I create when I was younger?

And then one more thing to say about the teens, too, is that when they do the work, it can help them be resilient through those teen years, through less susceptible to peer pressure and bullying and all of those issues that we worry about as parents with teens. And then of course, sets them up for an adult life where they have these tools to work with. Right.

And that they can, like, they get these signals, something's breaking down. And either finding. Because this can help with financial issues, right? Relationships, health, career, all of it. Because beliefs are behind all of it.

But as far as talking about, again, the. The little ones, who they would. Where you could. You could explain it to them as much. You could say, you know what.

Or talk to them about, like, if they've got to lose something, they've got to break down. They're not regulated. But then they get. You hold them through it, and you get to the point you might be able to pick up something. And if they.

If you hear something they say that sounds like it could be a belief, I would just write it down and decide whether or not when it might be a time to maybe just talk to them about it. You need to use your judgment as to how much they would. You think they'd be able to understand. But I would absolutely.

If you hear it, like, write it down and keep a little file about it. And then as soon as you think it's possible, as early as that intervention really would be good, right. To be able to talk to them about it.

I think David created.

Herb: 00:44:20

Let's talk about that a little bit. We're working with the team. We've discovered a vow or belief. What does the release look like? How do we start releasing the vow or belief?

Because is this something that is like a visible thing would be. Be able to to model this for the children. The releasing of stuck.

Kathi Sohn: 00:44:43

Well it's the. I guess in the book it's a three sort of. It's mind, body, spirit process. So there's, there's the, there's a forgiveness aspect to it.

Like there's any. Anybody who might have been. I mean there's. You can't go wrong with forgiving mom and dad, right? Or forgiving yourself. That's really big one.

It can be the birth team, you know, it can be any number of people who have been in our, in our lives.

If in the course of talking about things that some oh, some whatever difficulty person, whoever you had difficulty with that would be a good candidate for forgiveness. But the process like the release part is really because we're talking about body memory.

It's really literally based on science about the cells recreating themselves and that they carry this information. And if you don't do the work when the new cells are created, that same information goes coded in.

The disavowal work that David created was so that you could over a 90 day period because that's how long it takes to change a habit. That's because of cell renewal. So that's the release. It's more of a sort of a personal experience certainly as far as I'm forgiving.

Because forgiving courses we all know is about ourselves when we're forgiving someone else. When we're working with our own body mem. And we're working with our own sort of all the mental stuff, the brain chatter.

Because I can say I'm a powerful woman all day long but if I've got my brain telling me but remember the time when you poofed up over here because you know it'll do it right. Just like as soon as you start to, as soon as you say something real like an affirmation like that, like all that stuff's going to come up for you.

So it's an opportunity to work with that content. And so I guess what I was going to say about the children because again you don't. When they're little, you don't.

They're not going to be able to do that kind of a process.

And I don't know I'm even sure it's necessary because if you catch them early enough they haven't had a chance to really like get it lodged in right and reinforced. And I really think that putting a lot of love around it and in talking through it, it giving them alternative options.

So like when we're doing the mental Work. We can, we can get the brain chatter out of the way and then we can actually adopt the affirmation, which is really a new belief. Right? A new belief.

I'm a powerful woman. That's a lot better than nobody cares what I have to say.

So when they're really little and you talk to them at the level that, you know, they can understand, well, nobody wants to play with me. Right. You talk it through. Right. And all that. And then, so then you talk about, maybe get them into experiences where people did.

Oh, how did that feel? Right. Talk to them all about it. Make it an enjoyable experience. Talking about the times that they enjoyed people playing with them.

And then that emotional when one person rejected them isn't what's paramount. It's actually, there's so much more of that interaction that I love and that people do really love me.

And so you can kind of move them through that emotional content and into a place of. Of where they want to be. And you keep reinforcing it, of course, because you're with them every day. Absolutely love that.

Kristina: 00:48:33

Yeah, exactly.

And you know, educators who are listening, parents who are listening, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, you know, all of us need to work together to help these kiddos figure this all out.

Kathi Sohn: 00:48:44

Right.

Kristina: 00:48:44

And show them and be genuine when you're doing it. Because they do have that spidey sense.

And if you're just trying to build them up and you don't really believe it, they'll know it and that's going to do harm again.

Kathi Sohn: 00:48:55

Absolutely.

Kristina: 00:48:55

You truly believe it whenever you're helping them through it.

Kathi Sohn: 00:48:58

Yeah, good point. Absolutely right.

Kristina: 00:49:02

Exactly. Kathy, this has been a wonderful conversation. Thank you so much for sharing all these different points of view and everything.

Would you please share your contact information?

Because if there are families out there listening who are like, yep, I need to get a hold of Kathy and figure out how else to do this, the name of the book, etc. Please share that information with us now.

Kathi Sohn: 00:49:21

Yeah, sure. So my website, kathysone.com and I'll spell K A T H I s o h n.com has, right at the top of the page, has free gifts. So I encourage you to please.

There's one that's, that's called can you. Could your childhood be affecting your children?

And then there's another one for parents of teens that's, you know, a free gift that talks about what I talked about today. And then the book is, you made it up, now stop believing it. If you scroll down on my site, there's a book trailer Information about that.

You can learn more about it and then about. You can look at my site for coaching programs and, and other. And other things as well.

Kristina: 00:50:09

Excellent. Thank you so very, very much. And of course, all of that information will be down in the show notes as well.

So people know that they can just click scroll down, find it and get it there.

Herb: 00:50:17

So what do you think you could your childhood be affecting?

Kristina: 00:50:20

No, no, my childhood could never be affected.

Kathi Sohn: 00:50:23

No. I mean, you can go lots of different places.

Herb: 00:50:27

Well, that's a great title for a book. That's very catchy.

Kristina: 00:50:30

Yeah, I love it. Anyway, was there something that we didn't reach, talking point to today that you wanted to reach?

Is there something else that you wanted to share with our families?

Kathi Sohn: 00:50:39

No, I think we covered it all. In fact, I really love talking about the. Working with the little ones. I'm gonna put some more thought into that myself.

It's where you really inspired me.

Kristina: 00:50:49

Well, thank you. Appreciate that. Yeah, you know, the little. The littles are my love.

I taught second and third grade for almost 27 years, so that is where my heart is, those younger years.

Herb: 00:50:59

And I really also like that you clarified that, you know, before 7, it's, it's not super critical. And the young teens is really, when they need that. So that, that was really good information as well.

So it's not always, oh, get it younger, but maybe again, the framework younger, but teaching them how to do it later. So. Yeah, right.

Kathi Sohn: 00:51:20

Yeah.

Herb: 00:51:21

Fabulous, fabulous understanding. So it's like, yeah, I can't, can't, can't push us on 5 year olds.

Kathi Sohn: 00:51:26

So. No, no, no, no. Yeah. It's more the parent. The, the, the awareness. Right. Of parents. Yeah, exactly. Awesome.

Kristina: 00:51:35

Well, thank you again for being on.

Herb: 00:51:36

The show and thank you for sharing your story. It really is a hero's journey that you've been on. And thank you for, for then bringing it out and, and sharing it with the world.

So many people, when presented with this, they either will just talk about the problem or complain about it. It, but you've grabbed it and you're sharing of the world and you're continuing to do so.

So you're still on your hero's journey and you're sharing it with the world. So thank you so very much for what you do and thank you for being part of the solution.

Kathi Sohn: 00:52:05

Yeah, thank you, Herb. I really appreciate that.

Kristina: 00:52:09

All right, audience, we're wrapping up for today, but please make sure that you like and share. There are families out there who need this information.

So take bringing education home and give it to other families and let them them experience the resource, experience the love, the heartfelt connections that so many of our guests share with our audience. Let them know that this is there for them so that they can have happy, healthy and successful children.

Until next time, we're going to say bye for now.

Herb: 00:52:35

Bye for now.